Told You So
So, it may seem quite hilarious, but every year on my birthday for as long as I can remember, I take an annual uninterrupted nap. It feels like my opportunity to get a sufficient amount of sleep to help the stress from the year melt away. I don't go out and drink or party like most people my age do on their birthday. They might need to call hospice in on my ass if I were to get plastered like I used to.
I deviated from my annual nap when year 23 came rolling in and ultimately crawled into bed for just two hours. It was odd, but I didn't feel completely drained enough to sleep the entire day away (probably because this was the first birthday that I didn't have to request off since I became a nurse). I just hopped in bed with my little sleep mask; got comfortable, and flipped on Scream as background noise, and within a few minutes, I drifted off to sleep.
This dream kind of put me in the mind of the movie Crimson Peak where the girl marries a strange man and runs into ghosts warning her to get away from her new husband and sister-in-law. The ghosts help lead her to discover secrets about the siblings and they end up saving her life. Coincidentally, the main character is a writer that writes ghost stories. The surprising part about it is that she isn't scared shitless after seeing the ghosts roaming through the house after a while.
In the dream I could see myself walking through an abandoned house filled with dusty furniture and cobwebs with the wind sending an icy breeze through the broken and open doors. The moon was the only source of light shining through the picture window in the living room. Then I realized that I as at Paw Paw's house in Havaco. I've never really imagined what it would be like when it was finally uninhabited (there's always been someone there), but it was incredibly eerie even if it was just a dream. I could feel my stomach tighten in knots because I thought something bad was about to happen.
When I walked into the doorway of the kitchen, I prepared myself because the energy that I initially felt was becoming more intense. I looked up and saw a dark figure with grey skin that had a mess of long white hair all over it's head. It was a woman and with the moonlight I could see its slender frame and skinny arms with a dusty dress hanging off of her bony frame. I wasn't scared, more like, "What the fuck are you doing here and who the fuck are you?" I couldn't speak (which made it obvious that the the person was there to deliver a message. Sometimes, it seems like I can never speak when I'm having a dream that might just be my subconscious trying to deliver a message and I just need to shut the hell up and pay attention). I took a step back with a little resistance, but the figure came closer. I got tripped up and fell to the floor, seeing that I was wearing my Chucks (I'm clumsy and bad for dragging my feet. Every time I wore my Chucks to Paw Paw's I would trip over the strip in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen).
The figure had a hold on one of my feet and I could see that it literally looked like a corpse summoned with the funk of 40,000 years and the bitch looked like she was heading to rehearsal for a remake of Michael Jackson's Thriller video when she was done scaring the shit out of me.
All jokes aside, I'm to a point now where I can decipher my dreams and reality while I'm in a dream. My reality checks are usually something small like if I'm not wearing my scarf or if I'm wearing pants and or socks and shoes, then I know that I'm dreaming. I used to do a lot of reading about lucid dreaming when I would have rape dreams and I would wake up panicking. I've gotten to where I can dream of a dead relative and immediately realize that I'm dreaming and ask them what they want. If they don't have a reason for being there, they usually disappear.
In this dream, I was fighting to stay calm and leave before she could say or do anything traumatizing. She couldn't hold onto me for much longer and she finally opened her mouth and said, "Wait! I have to tell you about your grandmother and what she did to me! She's protecting you!" Her hand touched the exposed skin on my ankle and images of a black woman strangling someone flashed in my mind. I remember shaking my head trying to get rid of the images and I said, "No! I don't want to know!" The figure replied, "I have to warn you!" I jammed my foot as hard as I could into her face, giving me the chance to stand on my feet and I woke up.
I get a little frustrated when things in my dreams are a little unclear. If I can't figure out the details and the message right away, then I simply forget about it (dreams are like the little movies that play out containing bits and pieces from your subconscious. Most of the time, you forget about them within a few minutes after waking up). Something might fly over my head in reality, but my dreams might highlight it so I can give it a little more attention.
I might just toss a few pieces from this one. According to Auntyflo.com, to dream of warning signs means that you have to be cautious and careful in your life. To receive a warning in your dream indicates that something in your waking life is in need of your attention.
The conclusion that I've drawn from this dream (because I also refuse to drive myself crazy over it) is that there are some pretty huge changes coming my way and I could fail when negative things come my way. Considering all of the shit I went through toward the end of 2019, that was the hammer hitting the nail on the head. If I fight back then I can handle it on my own terms and refuse to hear anything anyone has to say while they're attempting to fill my head with bullshit to make me change my thoughts about something good. I can safely say that I handled the rocky waves of the end of the year fairly well. I might still be a little traumatized, but I handled it well.
Everything that's come my way since August has been a lesson. The lesson becomes a challenge and the challenge usually turns into a brutal battle. I might be scarred when I walk away, but I refuse to step down because I'm afraid of what kind of injuries I might sustain. Just like I've always done naturally, I won't give up without a fight when it comes to anything. The next time some shit comes my way, I'll only be stronger.