Chapter 6: Party
Updated: May 7, 2019
I heard my phone chime and I stuck my head out of the shower and looked down at the new text message that was probably from Candace. It had only been two days since our fight and even though we were still making small talk and avoiding the subjects of Danny and her drug problem, I was still pretty annoyed. I couldn't figure out why she was so stuck on me staying away from him.
I looked down and noticed that the message was from him.
D: Heyyyy sweet thang ;)
I climbed out of the shower as quickly as I could without slipping and breaking my neck.
Me: Hey with more than one y?
I smiled before I sent the text. Things between us were getting easier and my feelings for him were becoming more clear. Something in my brain had clicked and I was able to let go and see where things went. I was a little uncomfortable that my walls were completely down. I was well aware of what happened the last time I let that happen, but I was willing to take a chance with him and that shocked me more than anything.
D: Just trying to flirt. You heading to Reggie's tonight.
Me: You know it. Getting out of the shower as we speak.
D: Got all clean just to get dirty again? ;)
My mouth dropped. I threw my phone onto my bed and covered my mouth with the hand that wasn't holding up my towel.
I wasn't a virgin, but any and everything surprised me. I had committed one of the ultimate sins that our elders frowned upon, "no sex before marriage," but sometimes I felt so innocent. I would blush when people would talk about sex with their significant others around me.
I was caught completely off guard and as more minutes passed, Danny was probably thinking that he scared me off. We had never crossed that line before. It had never even crossed my mind. I always hoped that he didn't see me as just one of the guys, but it would be hard not to when I was always trying to drink one of them under the table.
I was nervously drying off when I heard my phone chime again.
D: Sorry. That might have been too much.
Me: It's okay! I was just in shock lol
My heart was racing. I couldn't let it be known that he had scared the shit out of me, but I have to admit that I was a little bit more curious about what he really thought about me. It sucks that the only relationship that I have to use as a reference for stuff like this had been a complete bust.
D: See you at Reggie's?
Me: You better save me a dance ;)
D: It's a date
I smiled to myself, fighting the urge to scream and jump up and down on my bed. Besides, if I did, I should probably put some clothes on.
My plans were to just show up in a pair of jeans and any shirt that I could find that was clean and could survive a party. I was going to go barefaced and my hair thrown into whatever style wouldn't get in my way throughout the night. But I wanted to grab his attention and keep him there.
. . . . .
"I may be young, but I'm ready! To give you all my love!" I sang along loudly with Beyonce's lyrics. "I told my girls you can get it! Don't slow it down, just let it go!" I sang with all of the confidence in the world.
"Cause we like to party!" everyone in the house shouted.
I was only three drinks in and when the opening notes of the song rang through Reggie's speakers, I freaked out like a kid on Christmas and ran over to Danny to pull him to the middle of the room. I couldn't believe that the early hours of the morning were creeping up on us. I was buzzed, but I was still able to sway right on beat with the music, pressing my ass against him and guiding his hands over my hips.
Your touch is driving me crazy! I can't explain the way I feel!" I yelled, feeling the music and the alcohol even more. I could feel his lips against my neck and I could see Mel and Jamie standing back, watching us, and smiling from ear to ear. It was the first time in a really long time that I actually got up to dance at a party. I couldn't believe that I had missed out on feeling so carefree and relaxed.
Candace sat back in a corner, staring us down. She was trying her very best to keep her balance and keep her eyes open. Hell must have frozen over because I couldn't pull myself away from Danny to rush to her side and keep her from hitting the ground when it came time for her to completely nod off. We locked eyes for a moment, like her eyes were screaming for help. She had probably taken in more than she could handle. It didn't happen too often, but knowing Candace, she was probably trying to prove a point.
Danny turned me around to face him as the end of the song grew closer. His face took my breath away. It was definitely something to look at any other time, but there was something about it tonight that made me want to risk it all. His hand gripped my chin and pulled me in for a kiss. I didn't object. I kissed him back, holding onto his neck and grabbing a handful of his hair.
People had already been staring at us as we danced and flirted most of the night. A kiss was just what they wanted to see to confirm their suspicions. Things were moving pretty fast, but I never realized how much I wanted to be happy and I had been lying to myself the entire time.
Seeing so many people staring at us was sending my anxiety into overdrive. I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the first empty cup I could find to hurry and chase everything out of my mind with a drink, and I wasn’t talking about a drink of soda. The large gulp of white liquor burned my throat. I didn’t care about what flavor it was. I didn’t care about how much I had taken in or how fast I was drinking it, I just wanted to forget. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to be in a state where I didn’t care about people talking about me. I didn’t want my heart to pound out of my
chest if I walked across the room in front of a group of people. I didn’t want to think about if they knew what had happened to me last year even though they did. I didn’t care if they called me a whore or a bitch or a slut or even a bad mom. I just wanted to be away from reality for just a little while. Warmth swept over me and my body was propped up against the wall. My head moved back and forth, staring at everyone, watching their lips move, and their bodies sway to the music.
Whoa! Slow down!” I heard a voice say before a pair of large hands grabbed mine before I could tilt the large $40 bottle of Grey Goose up again for another drink. For one thing, the bottle was empty and the room had started spinning. Danny wrapped his hands around my waist before I could fall onto the floor. “I’m an adult!” I yelled out with my speech slurring. Having my words slurring wasn’t the indication that I needed to stop. Usually blacking out let me know that I was at my limit. “I know that,” Danny said with a chuckle, “but you would have cracked your head wide open if I wasn’t here to catch you.” I tilted the cup up to my lips, hoping for one last drop, but it was empty and furiously, I threw it onto the floor. “It’s not your job to sweep up drunk girls at the parties Danny.” He chuckled again and pulled my body close to his. “No it’s not. But can it be my job to sweep you off of your feet?” And suddenly I felt sober. I nervously looked away from him and my eyes darted directly to the corner where all of my girls stood gawking and pointing at us. They were cheering me on.
I pulled myself away from him like a scared little kid and ran for my group. “What the hell are you doing?!” Jamie yelled. “You owe me ten bucks,” Candace laughed loudly. “Ten bucks for what? For some more shit to stick in your arm?” I barked at her. Everyone knew that when I was drinking, I had no filter and that was something that Candace hated. I had no filter and that applied to
her drug habit and I didn't care if I hurt her feelings.
“Seriously Syd, what are you doing? You practically had Danny eating out of the palm of your hand and undressing you with his eyes!” Rachel scolded. They knew that I was defective when it came to dating. Sure, flirting and talking to someone was fun, but I was still nervous about all of it backfiring on me.. It seemed like a fantastic idea,though. I couldn't deny that. All of my friends had a guy in their life to make them happy or to bang their socks off.
And then there was little old me, too traumatized by my past to let anyone in. “Go back over there. Maybe you two should get out of here?” she suggested. My palms were sweaty and my stomach felt like it was in a knot.
"Alright! You don't have to go home, but you gotta get the hell out of here!" Reggie yelled, wrapping the party up. There were a few groans followed by the sound of car engines starting up. "Great party Reg!" some guy yelled from the front door. "It's still early!" a girl yelled from the couch. "It's 3 in the morning! The cops will take all of our asses to jail, bitch!" Rachel yelled back. In all reality, she probably went to Reggie whining about being tired and ready for bed which prompted him to call it a night. He usually did whatever she said and if he didn't, she would raise hell about it. Rachel was a total demon when she didn't get her way and I think that was also caused by her daddy issues. Rachel had the "spoiled brat" personality and Reggie made sure she got whatever she wanted.
"Let's get you home," Danny said with a chuckle. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held onto him as he towered over me. I didn't want to move. "You mean your house?" I blurted out. "If that's what you want. But you've been drinking." Tonight was definitely one of those nights where I wasn't going to be able to control what comes out of my mouth, I could already feel it.
"You don't have to hold onto me Danny Connor. I'm a big girl," I said with my words slurring. He smiled and shook his head. "Alright," he said with a chuckle and pulled his arms away from me as I walked as slowly as possible to his car. "But I want you to hold my hand," I said and then giggled. He laced his fingers through mine and didn't say a word. . . . . I was fading in and out on the ride over to his house. He played a few soft songs only loud enough for us to hear since people throughout Welch would often make noise complaints. It wasn't the same as when I would push myself past my limits and end up blacking out. I felt much more relaxed and peaceful. I didn't know what had come over me.
"Carry me," I said softly, holding my arms out. "Anything for the princess," he said cheerfully. He scooped me up in his arms and I tried my best to curl up into his neck as much as I could. He smelled amazing. Even after being in a house for 4 hours, drinking and sweating, he still smelled like he had just stepped out of the shower.
I allowed my hands to drift up his shoulder and into his hair. It was a lot longer than usual. When it grew out, he'd always keep the sides of his head shaved down and slick back the longer pieces in the middle. He wore the typical fuck boy hairstyle, but he was far from a fuck boy. Of course, he looked like he needed a touch up. The pieces on the sides were beginning to look awkward from the way I looked at it. "Your hair is getting shaggy. Keep the fuck boy haircut. It's a good look for you." He laughed boastfully as he carried me through the front door. "You're pretty damn adorable when you talk like this."
"I'm not adorable, I'm just sleepy!" I said loudly. "Well you're sleepy and adorable," he said as he kissed my forehead. He walked through another door and lowered me onto the bed. He carefully removed my shoes and slid my almost limp body into the middle of the bed. "Your bed is amazing!" I blurted out. I stretched my arms and legs out and started moving them like I was making snow angels. "It's good to know that you'll be comfortable then." He pulled the top of the covers down and back up to neatly tuck them under my chin.
I was fading in and out when I noticed that he had turned the lights off and was headed out of the room. "Wait! Aren't you going to sleep with me?!" He paused in the doorway, hanging his head with a half smile on his face and one eyebrow up. "No, I'll take the couch. I can't sleep next to a drunk female. I respect you too much to do that." I sat up, throwing my fists down on the bed. "It's not like we're going to have sex! I just need to cuddle you!" Something had definitely taken over my body. I always liked sleeping alone, no matter what the circumstances were. I had never cuddled with anyone before and I never wanted to until this very moment. It was like my soul was craving his presence. "I just really really need you next to me right now. Please."
He grew silent and then stepped back into the room, closing the door. Before I knew it, he was crawling into bed next to me, wrapping his arms around me, making me the little spoon. "This makes the bed even more amazing. It's too big for just one person," I said quietly. He didn't say anything for longer than I expected.
"You're going to be the death of me. I already know it," he said with a chuckle, "but I just can't leave you alone." I smiled to myself. "Well, I'm getting a better understanding of my feelings for you."
There was silence for at least five minutes. "Is it because you're drunk and you know you won't remember tomorrow?" he asked sounding nervous. Ouch. I knew that a drunk mind spoke sober thoughts, but was that what he really thought of me? Just some drunk girl rambling on about my feelings because they wouldn't mean anything when I woke up the next day. I'm sure I was capable of it, but there was no way that I could do that to Danny. "Nope. I know that I'm just saying that now because I won't have the nerve to tell you when I'm sober. I would tell you how I felt either way it went. You know that."
It was true. I spoke my mind and was known for it. If it popped in my head then more than likely it was going to come out of my mouth. Being buzzed just made it easier to say. "I'm just as crazy about you as you are about me and I'm okay with that. I feel like we might have a future to be able to look forward to." He was quiet again, but I could tell that he wasn't sleeping. I had just said everything that he had been waiting to hear.
"Are you okay?" I asked. I felt his body tense up a little against mine. "Yeah, I'm good. Are you?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me even tighter. "As long as you're here I am," I answered warmly.
I enjoyed every minute of what I had been trying to avoid for as long as I could remember. I inhaled his scent as deeply as possible. I made sure he could tell that I was on cloud nine. I smiled at the thought of doing this permanently and how badly I didn't want this moment to end. Finally, in the midst of a few optimistic thoughts running through my head, I peacefully drifted off to sleep.