Updated: Jan 12
Alright, so this is a sappy feel good kind of post and it's kind of short, sweet, and to the point.
Soon we will see another year come to an end with another one rolling in (I'm not handling it well because Noodle is just as rotten and sneaky and as mean as a one year old can be and I wish I could slow time down but that's impossible. It seems like it was only yesterday when i found out that I was pregnant with him). Just like every year, there were days where I didn't think that I was going to pull through, but I did. Last year ended on a bad note for me. Even though we welcomed Devin, you know that it was incredibly rough for me. Life always has a way of throwing something rotten at me when I'm supposed to be happy.
Laying in that bed at St. Mary's was rock bottom for me, mentally and physically. Everything about it broke me down. I had a newborn and a four year old to take care of and everyone that knows me knows that I hate feeling like I can't take care of my kids. Even when my health is on the line, I'm the one that made them, so it's my responsibility to always take care of them. I could only stumble to the bathroom and lay there watching Keeping up with the Kardashian's until my medications knocked me out. The song used for the title of this post was the theme song for the show and it was so beautiful that I had to get on YouTube and play it until I got tired of hearing it and the tears were rolling like a waterfall. It really made me look at the situation I was in and wish for my moment of relief from how awful I felt. I cried my eyes out like you wouldn't believe because I felt like I was going to suffer forever.
No one knows how much the memory of all of that saddens me. Now that I made it this far in my life, I highly recommend that anyone that's falling apart or has recently fallen apart and is picking up the pieces, listen to this song. I never thought I'd see the light again. I've got something I can see again, I can breathe, I've got something to believe in. I have been able to finally see my morning.
The winter months have always been my seasonal depression period and I truly believe that I'll be able to break that cycle this year. This year has been a huge milestone for me. I took a huge step by becoming aware of my weaknesses in regards to my mental health. This is the first time I've opened up about my problems and made moves to fix myself. It's been the equivalent of holding your breath until you're turning blue and you finally take that first gasp of fresh air when it all comes to an end. I'm definitely looking forward to brighter days and I feel like nothing can get in the way.