• Bre'a Belle

Dancing in the Moonlight

Updated: Sep 23, 2019

If you just so happen to take a trip to the Village at Riverview during the time of day where morning slowly fades to evening, you walk through the front door, make a left and end up at the nurse's station, you might find Abbie and I dancing behind the desk to whatever the Fleetwood Mac station is playing on Pandora. It's quite a sight and far from what we could be doing, but it's just one of those little things that makes working there worth it.

I've had a seriously crazy week. I worked 7 days in a row and after tons Benadryl to shut my thoughts off at night and tons of Redbull to wake me up, I made it even when I thought I wouldn't. Nursing is draining, mentally and physically and sometimes you want to throw in the towel. I was so tired this week that I would come home, hop in the shower, and dive right in the bed without a second thought. I hadn't seen Devin in 17 hours and I hadn't seen Draven in 24 (there was no way that I could wake them up without having to stay up with them all night when I had to work the next day). That part started to really eat at me at one point, but a mom's got to do what a mom's got to do.

It seemed like I was on the path to a crappy week. I felt like life was running a million miles a minute and I was barely keeping up. I was fighting hard to not get so overwhelmed and it was causing me to lash out at Thomas and be bitter toward him (I'm still trying to figure out why I resort to being a grouch to him when my anxiety is at it's highest).

People don't think about it, but anxiety is more than being nervous all the time. Sometimes it manifests itself as anger and that's exactly what happens to me sometimes. I just have to stop and ask myself who made me angry (usually no one), why am I angry (usually over something ridiculous that won't matter in 5 minutes), and is it critical or life changing (usually it's not). Anger is a natural human emotion, but sometimes we give it too much power. When we give it the power to consume us and block out all other emotions, it leads to disaster.

I pulled myself together and looked forward to the weekend. I held on because I wanted to lay in bed all day and binge watch the Umbrella Academy (a show on Netflix created by the lead singer of My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way. I highly recommend it). Friday was hectic but fun. It flew by so fast, but at least I remember laughing and smiling a lot. The best part was blasting Dancing in the Moonlight by King Harvest twice at the desk and dancing like no one was there.

It wasn't until tonight that I realized how long it had been since I danced like no one was there. For as long as I can remember, I've been afraid to do stuff like that because I was afraid that people would make fun of me and I was afraid of what they think about me. That also goes along with my music choice (I've always loved whatever sounds good, no matter what the genre is). I remember hearing the first few notes of the song and then there was that moment when you love something and you have no clue that another person around you loves it too, so you have that split second where your heart races and you're excited because you can enjoy something with them.

I put so much into personal meanings behind songs. Tonight, at the and of my weekend off, I picked up on the 6th episode of the Umbrella Academy and what starts playing? Dancing in the Moonlight. Call me crazy, but I take that as a sign that the song was meant to stick to me and make me feel good. I've had that happen more than a few times (different songs popping up everywhere I turned) so I think they're meant to make a mark in my life. The week I had ended on a really great note and I'm proud of so much that I accomplished throughout those 7 days. It makes me even more excited to keep on living.