Chapter 1: Fill Me In
"You seem awfully happy," my dad said as he strolled into the kitchen. I was nose deep in my phone with my fingers moving like lightening. I let his question go in one ear and out the other. I wasn't going to answer him and if I did, it sure as hell wasn't going to be truthful. Half the time, both of my parents were looking for something to tell Matt and Molly. Matt and Molly never painted this perfect picture of Anton, so of course, they usually ignored all the bad shit my parents would back and tell them. The two of them were much more laid back. They knew that Anton wasn't an angel and they always made it a point to treat me like we were the same. Their way of looking at it all was that my sins and demons were no different than his. We were both just kids.
"Nope," I replied, still looking down at my phone. From the corner of my eye, I could see Dad leaning against the counter top. He was waiting for me to actually make eye contact with him. The look he was giving me told me that he was getting ready to burn a hole in my soul and make me tell the truth. I could never lie to him and get away with it. I was like him in too many ways and that was my only weakness.
A: You home alone tonight?
Me: Hopefully. If not, I'm sure we can work around it..
I was smiling like an idiot, still smiling at my phone. A cold chill shot through my spine and caused me to shiver when I thought of more of the late nights that he would swing by my house. Sometimes I would be alone and sometimes we had to take a few risks. Did I give a shit? No. That was the thrill of it all. Knowing that we weren't supposed to be seeing each other, let alone fucking and smoking, only made me want to take bigger chances. So, he was more than a few years older than me. Some people saw me as a fifteen year old child with years ahead of me and a good way to go before I was legal and out of high school. He didn't see me that way. He treated me as an equal. Who cared if he was five years older than me?
I had been a wild child for as long as I could remember and that was definitely something that I had picked up from my dad. I spent my middle school years being boy crazy. It seemed like I spent an eternity looking like a flat chested baby. Sometimes it took everything in me not to sit and sulk about something I could never change.
I envied Ashe and Brina for developing faster than me, walking the hallways in the eighth grade, already having hourglass figures. They explored in make up and complained about their periods and I was always afraid that we would drift apart because I couldn't relate. Guys would grope them and while we should have been disgusted, they were excited and thrived off of the attention and I was simply jealous. I always wanted to be secretly wanted by someone or have someone admire my body. I remained frozen for three years. I was short with a round face covered in acne, patiently waiting for the moment to be able to wear an actual bra and expose my stomach when I lost my baby fat and got a few curves. Puberty didn't hit me until ninth grade. Ashe and Brina had been my best friends since we were playing on the giant maroon slide at Welch Elementary. The way that their bodies changed much quicker than mine never phased them or the way that they saw me. It was ridiculous, but sometimes I hated them.
Then, like a switch flipped over night, I woke up one morning with my sheets covered in blood. It was the worst fucking experience of my life. My stomach felt like it was in knots, my skin felt like it was on fire, and all I could do was curl up in the bloody mess and cry because I felt like I was being stabbed in the pelvis.
I was moody and my boobs that had been comparable to mosquito bites were busting out of all of the too small training bras I had. The first period I ever had was an absolute nightmare and my mom and I nearly killed each other. She wasn't someone that I could be open with and I was terrified. The talk she had with me about my periods and body changing wasn't exactly enough to tell me what would take place for the rest of my life. She basically told me that I was going to bleed like a stuck pig for the rest of my life and it was something that I was just going to have to deal with.
Thankfully, I had Ashe and Brina to break it all down for me. I found out all the hairy details about how I would bleed once a month for five to seven days because my uterus was shedding. That meant that I was fertile and if I wasn't careful, one night of pleasure could lead to a lifetime of pain. But, if I was careful, I could have my fun and enjoy each and every single ride that any guy had to offer. The hormones that caused us to gush blood every month also had some excitement to offer. And the excitement was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life and it was fucking amazing.
My transformation was everything that I always craved. Having people turn their head to watch you walk the halls gave me a constant high and I finally felt like I was able to completely connect with my friends. I felt like our bond would never be broken.
The more I changed, the more hell broke loose in my house. I spent plenty of nights camped out at Ashe or Brina's houses. I didn't know if it was the raging hormones or the fact that I wanted to do my own thing without anyone getting in my way, but my mom and I became mortal enemies. At one point, I made it a point to piss her off and it made me feel fucking great. She knew how much I had changed and I knew that she saw a spark of herself in me and that was what she feared the most. Within my first few months of high school, she slowly but surely pulled her skeletons out of the closet. She gave me that sad ass "I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I did," speech and the tighter she held onto me, the harder I fought to pull away from her.
Her golden rule was to never, ever have sex and if she caught me, there would be hell to pay. That's when it all started. It only happened because she didn't want me to do it. To put it simply, Ariel could suck my left titty and go fuck herself. It seemed a little cliche', but seeing that my relationship with Alex angered her, it only pulled me closer to him. It was no secret that he was much older than me and she would swear up and down that my age was what made me so susceptible to manipulation. I didn't even try to argue with her. She acted like he was going around town pimping me out. We would smoke here and there and sometimes he would ask me to help him with his side business just because he said that I had an innocent face. I would flip out on him and eventually agree to it and he would promise that it would never happen again when he would see that I was on the verge of a fucking heart attack. Despite my paranoia about getting caught, it would end up happening again, which had been a cycle for a while now.
"What's been going on with you? You're always hiding something. I know you better than you know yourself and you've been hiding things from us," he said, the anger in his voice becoming more and more obvious. He said that like we had always been close and the distance between the three of us was something new. They were used to pushing me away and keeping me at a distance and now they were concerned simply because the shoe was on the other foot. "I've got nothing to hide," I answered quickly. "Yeah, sure. And you don't sneak out almost every single night," he snapped. My heart dropped into my stomach, but I kept my eyes off of him. "Not every single night," I said as I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Besides, if I am, I'm just outside with Ashe or Brina," I lied. "Now you're just being funny. I'm sure you don't stroll out to see those two wearing next to nothing." At this point, I was beyond tired of the conversation and my answers from this point on would simply be a nod here and there. "And I hope you don't take your underwear off when you're 'just outside with Ashe or Brina,'"he said sarcastically. The thought of what he said deserved gut busting laughter that would have to wait for later. At least I knew where my favorite pair went.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Dad getting annoyed by my silence. "Fine. Do what you want. Just do go running the streets with that damn boy," he huffed. I brushed that off just like everything else he said. He turned to walk out of the kitchen and I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to get the last word. "Can't make any promises," I said nonchalantly, smirking to myself. Alex was simply referred to as "that boy" because they didn't respect him or like him enough to call him by his name. It was just another way for them to behave like petty children just because they couldn't control me.
Getting a reaction out of my parents always revved up my hormones. It made me want to be sneaky and dangle my ignorance in their faces.
Slowly, but surely, I was consumed with lust and wrath just like always and my heart began to race. They couldn't control what I was doing if they didn't see it with their own eyes.
I smiled and typed quickly, my heart pounding even harder simply from the thought of getting pounded
Me: Inside or outside?
In the beginning, the idea of exposing myself out in the open where anyone could see me kind of freaked me out. He had a thing for it though and it wasn't long before it rubbed off on me. I knew that my suggestion would excite him.
A: You already know the answer to that.
I bit down on my lip to keep from smiling even wider.
A: You're a woman after my heart.
"You've paid more attention to that phone than you have to me," I said sounding annoyed. I pulled my panties back up around my waist and covered them with the huge t-shirt I was wearing. The sex was great as always, but lately, he was distant. It was like he only wanted to flop around on top of me and immediately grab his phone once we were done. I was jealous, totally lime green jello, but it wasn't my place to say anything or get mad if he was talking to another female. Instead of hearing him say the words, I kept them etched in my mind. It hurt so much more to hear him tell me that I wasn't his girl.
"You know that I've got work to do," he said, shaking his head. "You're gonna miss me when I decide to stop fucking with you," I said as I sat next to him on the three little stairs leading up to my porch where we had just finished trying to fuck each other into oblivion. He was about to say what I didn't want him to say, so I dropped my attitude. I leaned back, resting my elbows on the steps behind me and I stared into the darkness, occasionally swatting away the moths going crazy underneath the porch light. I knew that he was probably fucking other girls and I let it be known by refusing to let him go raw. I couldn't leave him alone even if he was sleeping around, but that didn't mean that I had to catch what other bitches were giving him or walk around with his baby in my belly which would open up a whole new can of worms.
I was still staring blankly at my yard and I didn't realize that he had stopped texting and was now staring at me. "We go through this shit all the time," he said with a sigh. I was preparing myself to hear those words. "I know. You don't have to say it, but don't lose your shit when I'm gone, since everyone else is much more important to me," I said without any emotion. He remained silent for a minute, rubbing his hands over his head. I rolled my eyes and huffed before standing up to go inside the house. He was heartless and I knew that from the very beginning. He didn't even have to say it.
The silence was killing me and that was all I needed to cut the booty call short. I rolled my eyes and stood up to leave.
"Chill the fuck out," he said firmly as he caught my wrist. "No," I snatched my arm away, "I'm not your girl, remember?" I snapped. He grabbed my arm again, this time, pulling my onto his lap. Immediately, I tried to wiggle out of his grasp. I could feel the tears swelling up, causing my eyes to burn. The last thing I needed was to be a crybaby and end up getting embarrassed.
"Let me go!" I said through gritted teeth. I had totally forgotten that my parents would hear me if I was too loud. "Chill!" he said, raising his voice a little. I refused and continued to struggle. "Stop!" he said a little louder, holding my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him. This made it even harder to hide my tears if they started rolling down my cheeks. "How many fucking times do I have to tell you," he smashed his lips against mine, "you are my bottom bitch!" I was getting angry. Despite what everyone always thought, I didn't turn tricks and he sure as hell wasn't my pimp nor did I have one. "Don't call me that!" I said aggressively as I pressed my chest against his to get in his face and let him know how serious I was being. "I'm not a whore!"
"You are what I say you are," he pressed his lips against mine once more. I fought a little harder to get his lips off of me."That means that you belong to me. You come before everyone and you've rolled with me since day one." Here we go with this shit again.
"Bullshit!" I spat at him, wanting to wrap my hands around his neck. I could tell that he was amused by the reaction he was getting out of me. "Just because I want to try a few samples doesn't mean that I forgot about my personal favorite." I was getting angrier. He made it a point to roam all over town and light in on me when I expressed how I felt about it, but he would threaten the lives of anyone who even looked in my direction. "That's not fair to me! You've never been fair to me!" I said with my voice cracking. I was beginning to crumble. It was like he got excited from seeing how much pain I was in.
"Look, I take care of you, give you money, and I keep you looking right. I'm fucking you on a regular basis. Forget about labels and a relationship." My mouth was hanging open. I was completely shocked by the fact that he basically didn't care about how I felt.
With a smirk, he kissed me again, but I didn't try to push him away. I was totally numb at this point. "I would say lose the attitude, but it's making my dick hard," he said seductively. I could feel the blood rush to all of my most intimate areas and I was slowly forgetting about our argument as I felt him growing underneath me.
My pout slowly turned into a half smile and without even thinking or staying angry, I wrapped my arms around his neck, going in for another kiss while grinding on him. He had his hooks in me and there was no way to deny it. With a snap of a finger, my mind would go blank and I was more focused on lust and the heat of the moment. I knew that I was going to beat myself up for it later on, but for now, I was just going to enjoy the ride.