Today has been one of my shittier days. I'm tired and drained. I'm cold and for a while today, I felt a little out of it. But that's not the biggest problem I'm having or why I've been so pissy and whiny. When they started me on Celexa, they told me that it would decrease my sex drive. That's right. If you're not the type of person that wants to read about that medications can do to your lady or man bits even though it's a natural function with natural feelings and how frustrating it can get, turn back now.
Seriously. I've given you full disclosure. Don't be surprised by what's going to be in the rest of this post. It's about to get PG-13 in this bitch.
I warned you.
I'm not going to be vulgar about it or get too carried away. I'm going to try to incorporate a little bit of my medical knowledge into it as well. I'm just irritated and pissed off about it. But I literally feel like my junk is broken. Like I feel like the guy in Teeth when the girl hacked off his penis and all he could do was scream because it was laying at his feet instead of it being attached to his body. Sometimes the desire is there, but there's nothing that will make my parts connect with my brain. It's like it's control panel has been completely separated and shut off by the rest of mt body if that makes sense.
Unfortunately, most SSRI's come with sexual dysfunction. Even if I wanted to use my junk, it really feels broken with no hope or relief in sight. It's not painful. Sometimes it just feels like it's just numb or paralyzed. It wouldn't be worth it to go off of my medication regimen just to have those sensations again. It works out in a positive way. You have to take the medicine to focus on yourself and make yourself feel better and sex wouldn't make it any easier. Sex is often used as a method to sweep your problems under the rug. If you can't have sex, then you have no choice but to focus on more important things going on in your life.
What I'm trying to say is that I've always been controlled by my hormones but the sacrifice has been worth it. I still have plenty of moments where I feel like I'm bat shit crazy, but I know that I'm one step closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. My hormones have always made me blind to the fact that my life needs more than a few adjustments. I just really need to remain fixated on my goals and what I want to accomplish.
If I wasn't like Tinker Bell who literally almost fucking died because of lack of attention, then I would be alright. My mind can be strong, but my flesh has a history of being weak. But I know that I'm finally thinking with my brain and not my body parts. I'm my father's daughter and as hilarious as that may sound, it's actually pretty sad and quite debilitating. Hopefully a dead libido will be another huge step in the right direction for me. I'll be able to maintain a decent amount of concentration and I'll be alright with flying solo.